when lawrence died
elouise braxton sunk herself
into the recliner by the window
elouise an always gracious figure
wore a black pantsuit that hugged her figure
tighter than bergman and bogart’s embrace
during the last seconds of casablanca
which coincidentally is the final memory
i have of thursday night movie fest
a weekly event i had shared with elouise and lawrence
for the past eight years
now i stood at the entrance to the kitchen
watching elouise gaze
past the congregation
storming up her driveway
and through an open door
masquerading their stomach’s acidic distress
as each prepared to recite
eloquently memorized words of condolence
in exchange for food and drinks
without a word
elouise politely pointed them to the kitchen
where i had taken a turkey from the oven
and replaced it with barbecue cornish hens
i watched elouise rise
like a high note from minni rippleton
and pace the floor
smiling every now and then
when handed a sympathy card
i watched lawrence’s two daughters
from his previous marriage
ask elouise what were her plans
for their daddy’s restaurant
now that he was gone
elouise rolling her eyes
while sipping a concoction of vodka
and lemonade and pointing them
in the direction of the kitchen
as the youngest one sighed
and under her breath mumbled
“she probably gon sell it
and give the money to a much younger man”
elouise jerked the young instigator by her arm
and when i heard a neighbor yell for mrs. elouise to calm down
i stepped from the kitchen to the door way
i moved no further than that elouise was known to swim with ease
through her own sticky situations
when i saw the girl’s arm in ela’s hand i was sure
the stitching in the sleeve
of the young woman’s dress
had suffered a slight but unnoticeable tear
it had to
under elouise’s grip
elouise stared at her in the eyes and told her
“baby you ain’t woman enough
to tangle with me
now your daddy dead but i ain’t
so if you keep talkin like you talkin
you gon find yourself with a fist
in between your teeth
ain’t nobody
and i mean nobody
do you hear
gon disrespect me
in my own house
now go feed your face”
elouise adjusted the young woman’s dress
and told her how pretty she looked in fuscia
and the young woman walked away
tottering on her very high heels
the young woman’s older sister whispered
“girl you gotta be careful with crazy people
cause they will snap on you in a second”
elouise grinned walked over to the mantel
and ran her fingers across the curve
of the sterling silver picture frame
holding steady the picture
of her and lawrence on their wedding day
as she called to me to look with her
“lynette remember you took this picture
girl it seems like we just married
like we just moved into this house
it ain’t right i’m ten yrs older
why didn’t i have the heart attack
why’d it have to be lawrence
he was fifty-eight-years old lyn it ain’t right”
i excused myself from elouise
i wiped my hands on my apron
and slipped into elouise’s bedroom to find my purse
to take my last glucatrol tablet
worrying about elouise
made me absent-minded
of my own life threatening illness
when i returned ela had walked
away from the mantel and back to the window
“you see that freshly mowed lawn lyn”
“yeah i see it “
i gurgled between gulps of cranberry juice
and the after taste of chewed medicine
“we were gon plant tulips out there me and lawrence
we even talked about sectioning off
a spot for a garden with tomatoes cucumbers radishes
lawrence loved the shit out of cucumbers
you know” ela whispered
“we never went on a honeymoon “
“what you say”
i screamed trying to look surprised
i had heard ela tell this story so many times
but i didn’t mind
so when she said we made plans
to go this summer i smiled
so now she said in her sassy ela tongue
“i got two first class plane tickets to jamaica
and i’m one person short
i wonder what lawrence would do
if it were the other way around”
“i bet he’d go” i had stumbled upon the words
like a drunken fool while lighting a cigarette
retrieved from my apron
elouise laughed making conversation with her self
“he probably would go lyn
say lynette don’t you have some
vacation time coming up”
“yeah” i hesitated wondering if elouise was hysterical
all the while trying to run from her wounds
“well you wanna go to jamaica just us girls”
“ela you sure you up to it”
i retorted as if her timing was impulsively weird
which it was
“lynnette i need some time away from this house
from these people
and i’ve decided to sprinkle lawrence’s ashes
along the beach or in the ocean”
ela giggled “just as soon
as i can get these
hungry ass mutha fucka’s
out my house ima pack”
dragging out the sensation
buying time for my mind
to catch up with my vocal cords
i threw in the reverend wilkins clause
my last loophole
what about rev wilkins counseling session
“if you go you gon miss that”
“girl please rev wilkins ain’t gon tell me how to grieve”
elouisa laughed cautiously between words
i’m doing just fine
i asked ela if she wanted a cup of coffee
we sat down
me on the sofa
and she in lawrence’s chair
where we talked for hours
as guests stacked plates up to their chins
looking every bit as sorry for ela’s loss but eager to feast
on home cooking that didn’t leave a sink full of loitering dishes
bleeding over onto their own kitchen counters
through it all ela and i talked
about how much she loved lawrence
and about how she wanted him to experience jamaica
since it was all they had talked about for the longest
she laughed briefly when she wondered
how their adopted son lawrence jr.
the same young man who had
taken it upon his manly shoulders to arrange the funeral
how would the dutiful lawrence jr. take to the news
of her hopping a plane to some exotic resort
the morning after his fathers funeral
but she decided it was best
to leave him a letter in his room
i told her lawrence’s daughters would be furious
she looked at me with her half smile
and said “they is lawrence’s kin
my blood don’t pour through them conceited ass veins”
and for a moment i’d forgotten
about lawrence’s death
i saw my friend’s smile widen
we held hands and sobbed
tears of redemption
and after the last uninvited guest departed the premises
me and ela dranked two pots of coffee
and danced to bob marley’s guava jelly fourteen times
by the next morning we were goddesses
ready and willing to take flight among the heavens
in search of peace and solace